the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
