I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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