I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Randomize
