right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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