oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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