you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
