u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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