He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
