how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
We need a shit load of segways right now
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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