I am spending my child support on dildos
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
