We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
im on a boat
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