Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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