Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
You can't special order awesome
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
