ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Im part way to drunk.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
