Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
