I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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