Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
