i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
