It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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