all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Randomize
