too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
