We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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