so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
