so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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