i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
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