Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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