i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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