I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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