My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
