Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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