you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
