Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
