can u get pink eye on your cock?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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