Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
