So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
