im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
