maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
