you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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