I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
