Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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