my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
