You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
