We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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