fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
