bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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