No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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