You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I could fuck to npr.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
