pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
