mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
