You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Randomize
