She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
