Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i came on her dog
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I don't deserve a penis
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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