k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
