She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
